It’s funny how people always assume things of me. I never speak ill of anyone, especially not the ones I love. Yet, I am still accused of bringing down people’s self confidence. I write a few blog posts to get things out of my crowded mind, to which no one who knows me reads, and suddenly I’m the devil in blonde hair. Anyone who goes through my blog and reads all my /tagged/me posts will instantly know that I have severe emotional damage, so much so that suicide was an option I was considering. I have fought tooth and nail to get my mind to at least push out certain negative thoughts, numbing myself to all form of emotion, yet somehow I’m the bad guy. I have had my entire future stolen from me, along with everything I ever believed in, including my faith in love, and I’m not the victim in this unfortunate event. I beg to differ considering I have nightmares nearly every night of you. I have severe anxiety when I think of you. You were the light of my life, the reason for my existence, and you decided to throw it all away without a second chance. I have shed too many tears, cursed God too many times to be accused of this. If I have ever said anything negative about you, it’s that I still cared about you. I would never hurt you like you hurt me. You’re creating this little world around you where I’m out looking at every possible way to ruin your life when in reality, I’m sitting here every night with my computer on my lap, reading every single post you make, hoping to God that one day you’ll be happy and that I’ll be able to forget about you. You’re not the one that came out under here; you’re in love, you’re supposedly happy with this guy, and I’m here wishing things were like they were two years ago. I WISH I had the courage to talk shit about you, but I can’t even call you a bitch. Last night’s post was my own personal insecurity with love. I don’t believe I’ll ever find it again, and I said nothing to hurt you or anyone else. In all fairness, if I did anything with that post, I complimented you by saying you were intelligent, cute and funny. If you read past the first paragraph, you’d see the pain in my heart when I try and move on from you.
I hope one day you move on from your jaded thoughts of everyone trying to frame you, because I did nothing wrong but express how I felt. If you have ANYTHING against that, you can take your opinion and fuck off because this is a free country, and I will NOT be censored for how I feel. If you don’t like it, stop reading my damn blog and forget about me, like I thought you did long ago. I hope you know your idea of vigilante justice is causing more pain than anything because I still have feelings for you.
You hurt me Olivia.
P.S.: You don’t have to send your little errand boy to fight your own battles because this isn’t about him, this is about you and me.